Sailors past and present are renowned for their superb sense of humour, and we have all been subjected to the phrase "If you can't take a joke you shouldn't have joined", so it only seems fair that there should be a slot so we can display some of the funnies that come our way.
All contributions are of course very welcome, but please do not be offended if your particular rib tickler does not make it into print. The PC Police are everywhere - with some getting their fun by spoiling other peoples - so we have had to exercise a degree of restraint and subtlety.
However, if you are of a delicate disposition this may be a good time to log off from this website.
I was in Tesco's on Guernsey and asked where the new potatoes were.
"On the next aisle" he said.
So I popped over to Jersey!
My mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right bloody idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!
I got an odd job man in today, I gave him a specific list of 8 jobs to do and he only did 1,3,5 & 7!
I've just fell over on the pavement in my street...
I've left a review on trip advisor!
Congratulations to Hugh Zappritti Boyden on his new role as Chairman of the British Budgerigar Association!
I went to the hospital for a check up and the security guy said "You can't park there, it's for Badge holders only".
I shouted back, "Yes I know, I have a bad shoulder"
I walked into B&Q today and this bloke in an orange and black uniform asked me if I wanted decking.
Fortunately, I got the first punch in and that was that. But others may not be so lucky, so be on your guard!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one - and let the other one off.
I had my house painted last week, the guy was an airline pilot made redundant because of COVID.
He made a great job of the landing!
Got a bottle of Newcastle Brown stuck on my foot.
It's an ingrowing toon ale.
My mate is a London taxi driver. We call him Robin Hood because he only drives between Bow and Harrow.
A Brummie walks into a tailors, "Alroit mate, I'd like a 70's suit please." The tailor says, "Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?" The Brummie says, "Thanks mate, white with two sugars please."
Premature ejaculator seeks tall, hot girl with long legs, great arse, big perky tits and...
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School. One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters "PNEIS" into a name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered spine are doctors today!
What has 2 wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone.
My wife shouted to me;
"Hey, the sun's coming out."
I put on my shorts, Hawaiian shirt and glip glops and went downstairs to see my son holding hands with his boyfriend..
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either!
What have Jurgen Klopp and Prince Harry got in common?
They both have German heritage and will both have to give up their titles in 2021..
The Russian acrobat in the human pyramid retired and now the troop doesn't have Oleg to stand on.